i won’t worry

i have a horrible case of buyer’s remorse at the moment. i went to the grocery store and spent nearly $100 on junk food. i wouldn’t feel so bad if i had purchased any healthy items. the only semi-healthy things i got were: yogurt, wheat crackers, and crystal light drink mix. the next healthiest thing would be honey musterd and onion pretzels. plus those wheat crackers are destined for cream cheese. everything else was frozen pizza and soda and cookies and all this stuff that’s bad for you. i seriously haven’t felt this bad about making a purchase.

an another feeling bad note … one of my closest friends, shaun, and i were chatting and everything i’ve been feeling lately finaly made themselves into words. i’m starting to wonder if chicago is really for me. i love it here, i really do. it just seems to be making me feel more lonely than i have been in quite sometimes. i’ve tried making friends to hang out with but i’m just not good at it apparently. and then i have a few friends that i hang out with sometimes but i very much feel like the outsider.

sometimes i think about going back to texas. i miss it for certain reasons that i can’t explain. there’s something about living there. working in our office there. driving home from work on lavaca. enjoying drinks with friends at trudy’s. i want chicago to work so badly. i really do love it here. i’m trying so badly to make this work and i will continue to try to make it work. but there’s only so much i can take. after a while the urge to move back to texas might overcome me.

i’m at the point where the only part of the week i really like is the work week. at least when i’m at work i’m isolated in my office and don’t have to worry about any of this. work is turning into that place i turn to to escape the realities of life.

moving on to less depressing topics …

i went to open this book i had received from my rocket scientist friend Charles. i love when people give books and right messages in them. i’m supposed to be a better person if i read this book and allow it to affect me, so we shall see if it does the trick. that little note in the book sure put a smile on my face though. it’s the little things like that that matter. there’s nothing that touches me more than when i get a simple handwritten note. such good times.

there’s wet snow in our forecast for this thursday. i’m screwed if that’s true. i have no heavy jacket and i have to gloves or hat. S C R E W E D.

i purchased a movie [hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy] from iTunes today. such a great movie but i don’t know how i feel about the quality of the movie. i feel cheated.

okay that’s enough for me for now.

gnight.

.ryan