an end to an awkward feeling

i could say this was a horrible, horrible morning, but it actually turned out to be okay …

i couldn’t sleep last night. after trying multiple times i finally gave up at about 5:30am. i started getting ready for work figuring i would just come in and get a jump start. i got in the shower and i continued to think. why was my mind all over the place. why couldn’t i stop thinking for one second? what was that awkward feeling that i couldn’t shake?

it finally dawned on me. i only get this way when i’ve been back home. i’m feeling this way because i’m a bit lonely. i didn’t think the move from texas would have had such an effect on me until this morning. i got out of the shower and i was looking in the mirror and i started to cry a bit. i wasn’t sure why. it was at that point i decided that i have to do something about it and start attempting to fully adjust to being out of texas. so i’ve given myself to the end of the year. either i make things better for myself or i have to make the decision to possibly move back to texas. i’m almost certain that i can figure things out and attempt to adjust; my environment and experience just needs some altering. i figure if i give myself until the end of the year this will force me to do something about it rather than just live my life either in my office or in my bedroom.

so it’s been a sort of revelation of sorts this morning. so even though i haven’t slept since the night before last i’m feeling goodnow and i’m not down like i have been for the past couple of days. perhaps it’s what i needed to shake that awkward feeling.

i left for work this morning at 6am and it was still pitch black outside. as i was getting closer to the city the sun was starting to rise and the way it it the sears tower and hancock center kind of gave me an additional boost.

now i must get to work. i should be able to get a head start this morning since i’m in two hours earlier than i normally am. maybe i’ll even take off at a decent hour today.

until later.